Plus Size Satin Dreams

The posts in “What Keeps Me Up at Night” cover the issues in the world that have been on my mind. What did you expect? I’m deeper than just panty talk.

I need to start with a disclaimer – I am not a parent and am in no way qualified to give child-rearing advice. That said, I’m still going to give you my opinion on this topic. It’s my blog so deal with it!

Psychiatrists of the world rejoice! We are building a nation of insecure girls that will soon be coming to a couch near you. The View recently replayed a show where a mother let her teenager get liposuction because although she was thin, she had a little stomach pooch. Apparently, all of the women in their family have had this “problem”, and the mom didn’t want her child to suffer socially for it. The plastic surgeon was there with them explaining that with the high beauty standards set by celebrities and fashion models, procedures like this can save the aesthetically disadvantaged from ridicule. WTF!?! First of all, disadvantaged should cover hairlips, not a bit of a tummy on a size 2 teenager. Secondly, rather than teach our girls that they are beautiful, flaws and all, you’d rather teach them to chase an airbrushed, computer-generated ideal that they can never possibly achieve because it’s not even real. Brilliant!

Then, I’m minding my business and come across an article titled “Pre-Teen Bikini Waxing.” According to this article, there are growing numbers of 10, 11, and 12 years olds who are asking to have hot wax poured down there. Honestly, I’m not surprised that they are asking for it, because they hear about it in the media. I’m astonished that there are mothers that are paying for it. How bad could it be, the hair JUST showed up! No one but a parent and doctor should even see that area, and none of those people should care about tidiness. Is it for bathing suits? Buy that child a suit that actually covers her ass! She’s 12 for goodness sake! Arggh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me guess, your argument is: that’s what she really wants and all of her friends are doing it. So what! When did parenting become a popularity contest? If your young daughter doesn’t slam a bedroom door while screaming “You just don’t understand! You are ruining my life!” at least once a week, then you are slacking on your job. Half of everything that your teen wants to do will be either silly or dangerous. Let them do the silly stuff (we were young and dumb once) and keep them from doing long-term physical or emotional damage. Doing anything less constitutes Mommy Malpractice and we should revoke your license.

Now some parents will argue that doing these types of things actually helps their children. It saves them from carrying around the mental scars of begin teased by classmates. It protects teenagers from the tears of not finding a date for the most awesomest dance in history (until the next one). It shields their delicate hearts from the pain of rejection. No mother wants her child to suffer, but somehow we are missing the big picture. What message does it send when the people that are supposed to love her the most, are willing to put her through physical pain to make her more acceptable? Where does she learn resilience? How do you show her that she can always hold her head up proudly because she has intrinsic value? Some of the most important lessons can be painful, but that doesn’t make them any less important.

Yes, children today face unprecedented pressures that we never had to deal with. The answer, however, is not to succumb to the pressure. It is our responsibility to make them stronger so that they can survive and even overcome it. As parents, big siblings, and mentors, we have to ask ourselves are we making her strong enough to…

…persevere in the workforce when faced with –isms and –phobias? Today’s sad reality is that people all over the world are still denied equal access to opportunities because of gender, skin color, body size, nationality, religion, sexual orientation, tribal affiliation, or even hair color. To be successful in these situations, she has to believe in herself even if no one else in the room does.

…walk away when some Jerk who likes to beat women tells her that she can’t leave because no one else would want her? The courage to pack that last bag comes from knowing that she deserves better – not because of how she looks or what she has done, just because she’s a human being.

…fight for her life and health when the treatment for a serious illness will make her lose hair, a breast, gain weight, or acquire a scar? Will she be able to put the nutrition and health of her newborn baby above fear of sagging breasts?

…deal with all of the unpretty and heartbreaking things life will eventually throw at her? A long life contains exhilarating highs but also gut-wrenching lows. Marriages end, people get hurt, and jobs are lost. Studies have shown that part of being happy in life involves accepting what has come to pass. Can she find the beauty in life when there are problems that can’t be fixed by simple nips and tucks?

Please don’t take this as a blanket indictment of plastic surgery or beauty regimens. I think that all adults can make their own decisions on how they want to care for their bodies. ADULTS! When it comes to our youth, the stakes are higher. How much will lipo for your teenager cost you? A few thousand dollars. Cost her? A whole lot more than you think.

Yes, with the current state of the world I know that there are many more important rights that we could discuss, but there are other places for that kind of dialogue. Here, we talk about undies, so I’m putting my foot down in defense of the basic rights that we all should enjoy.

We, the fabulous and thick women of the world hereby declare:

• We have the right to bear arms. And belly rolls. And thunder thighs and all other body parts. It’s hard to feel free and beautiful when we’re fully covered from neck to ankle in plaid flannel. Designers, please give us options that let us show off our best features. Remember, the people that care about us love all of us, even the parts that make us feel self-conscious.

• We demand freedom from the cruel and unusual punishment that is inflicted upon women in the name of fashion. No more body shapers that chafe in odd places or squeeze so tightly that we loose our breath. (Incidentally, I don’t care what fancy name you give it, I know a GIRDLE when I see one!) No more shoulder indentations from cheap bras. No more pokes and prods from rogue underwire. No more itchy lace. No more, we say! If scientist can send a person to the moon and invent the Wii, you surely can design lingerie that is pretty and comfortable.

• We reserve the right to be risqué when we feel like it and no matter how we choose to play, or who we play with, we demand products that meet our naughty needs. And, by the way, we are very comfortable with being highly desired sex goddesses, but we refuse to be anyone’s fetish. Treat us accordingly.

• We respectfully remind you that we are a diverse crowd. While it is difficult to find quality and stylish items in any plus size, there are those among us who face even higher hurdles. Who speaks for the petite, the tall, or the supersized? Why must they be relegated to catalogs and websites as if they were somehow less valuable customers for mainstream stores?

• We expect to receive the quality that we pay for. Do not charge us premium prices for poorly constructed and designed items just because you think that we have fewer options. Please do not insult our intelligence! (You know who you are, and shame on you.)

Dreamers, click here to comment on what other rights would you like to see added?

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
Lao-tzu

Welcome to the maiden voyage of the Plus Size Satin Dreams blog, my online pajama party. Why, you may ask, would a grown woman want to write about the pieces of our wardrobes that we give the least amount of thought? Well, when we come home at night and peel away our street clothes, we also drop the pretenses, the posing, the personas that we adopt to survive daily life. It’s the time that we are most vulnerable and truly ourselves…

• In fluffy terrycloth robes we escape our troubles by curling up with a hot cup of tea and a good book.
• In satin pj’s we toast margaritas and giggle with friends at ladies-only weekend trips.
• In clinging silk nighties we whisper secrets and promises in a lover’s ear.
• In reliable cotton gowns we forfeit sleep to nurse sick children.
• In cozy flannel sets we grab our sacred journals and dare to dream of our infinite possibilities.

No wonder it’s called intimate attire – it’s the uniform that we wear when facing our most intimate moments and thoughts. It is when our souls are most exposed. What better topic to write about?
I must confess that as a plus size woman (big girl, fat lady, fluffy gal, thick chick – feel free to pick your favorite descriptor) struggling with her body image, I neglected this area for a long time, choosing comfort and function over style. If you dig to the bottom of my drawer of delicates, you’ll find every example of what’s wrong with plus size sleepwear:

• Cheaply made and itchy? Check!
• Comfy but makes me look like a sack of potatoes? Check!
• Lack of support for those of us who are extra blessed in the booby department? Check! Check! Check!

Do any of these reflect who I am (and who I want to be) on the inside? HELL NO! Where are the pieces that help me feel beautiful, playful, sexy, youthful, and confident? They aren’t in my drawer and, unfortunately, they aren’t in abundance in our stores or online. So, join me on my mighty quest for the perfect unmentionables, and along the way we’ll chat about sleep, love, life, and plus size satin dreams.

theDreamer